To Build a Family

Giveaway

2010-11-27T14:20:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I haven't posted on here in quite a while, and honestly I'm not entirely sure I still have any readers. I saw this great giveaway though, and since my new blog is ultra-private I wanted to share this here on the good ol' public blog. Anyway, Shutterfly is giving away 50 free holiday cards to bloggers, just for mentioning them on a blog! So I think I have found my favorites - although just in case anybody on my Christmas card list stumbles across this, I won't say which one I picked out. Don't want to spoil the surprise! I can say, though, that I love the fact they have folded and flat styles. I was SO pleased to see that! I love photo cards, but always thought it would be nice if they were in the "traditional" folded card style. Now they are. YAY! Great assortment of classic, whimsical, etc - truly something for everybody!

Go here to check it out yourself!

I'll link to my absolute favorite, I wanted to post a picture but I wasn't able to get blogger to cooperate... here it is! I can't wait to put it together with one of my favorite pics of my guys & me!

I'm Moving

2009-08-22T11:48:00.000-07:00

Well, at least the blog is. Since it looks like the adoption will be on hold for a bit, and since I haven't posted here since January, I thought I would put "To Build a Family" on hiatus for a while. However, you can still visit me at my new blog here if you want to keep up with my journey. Thanks so much to everyone for your interest, support, concern, etc. with all the ups and downs the past while - I hope to "see" you again at the new blog!

Better Late than Never....Right?

2009-01-29T23:06:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I haven't posted since Christmas (or so). I realize I said I'd update before New Year's, but obviously that didn't exactly happen. My computer has been having tantrums, and there really hasn't been much going on in my life lately. Christmas was fun, though - lots going on, lots of family time, etc. Exactly how Christmas should be, in my opinion! It was a bit tough at times, because when I started looking into the adoption I had hoped to have LB home by now - or at least a referral! But, I haven't even got the homestudy done yet - life got a bit complicated, so things are still on hold. I try to keep having faith about it, but it gets rough sometimes.

Ok, enough whining! Really, life is good. I have a wonderful family, 2 beautiful nieces, and good friends. So actually, life is great!

Merry Christmas!!

2008-12-25T12:21:00.001-08:00

Merry Christmas to all of you! I promise I will post an update of sorts before the new year. Honest, I will.

Checking In...

2008-10-14T06:40:00.000-07:00

Thought I'd post a quick update... yes, I know I haven't posted in about a month & a half. Anyway, work is still work - it's a paycheck, so that's positive (generally). I now get up at 4 am to leave by 5 to start work at 6. Only good part is I get off at 2:30 so I have my afternoons for whatever I want. Erica was in town a few weeks ago, which made for a busy weekend. I went to EMP (Experience Music Project) with her, Jordan, Allyson, and of course Evangeline. I liked EMP - lots of music memorabilia, instruments to play around with, etc. We didn't get to play the instruments though, very crowded - but I put Evangeline on this electronic drum table thingy... Not sure what she thought, but she liked the lights & stuff. Also, I am pretty sure she likes Jimi Hendrix. I was holding her while I listened to a couple tracks, playing around with sound mixing & stuff - she wanted the headphones so I tipped one a bit so she could hear the music. That child's face was SO funny! She tipped her head back, her eyes got real big - I think she's a little rocker (I'm so proud!). Ok, so maybe it was shock.... but Auntie can think whatever she wants, right? We also went through the sci-fi museum that's inside EMP. It was interesting as well, sci-fi is not so much my thing, but it was still pretty cool. Scripts, costumes, things like that - just fun in general. The next day (Sunday), The whole family (parents, sister, brothers, sisters-in-law, nieces & I) went out on my folks' new boat. I love being on the water, and it had been way too long. Poor Lucca had a cold, but slept most of the time. Evangeline seemed to enjoy it, except the life vest she had to wear. I swear the thing wanted to eat her! Sunday was a good day - out on the lake, beautiful weather - what more can a Seattle girl ask for? Since then, not a lot going on & this post is long enough so I think I'll wrap it up. I was going to post some pictures, but my computer seems to have other ideas. Oh well, another day!

Slight Progress

2008-08-31T10:04:00.000-07:00

I've made a little bit of progress on the adoption front this week. I sent the missing final reference letter to a friend to fill out. I also had my fingerprints taken so those can be sent in this next week, along with my background check release forms. I also have the forms that expired re-signed & ready to send to my agency. See - progress! This means we will start the homestudy soon, which is a big step in the right direction.

I think sometimes I have to remind myself of the smallest steps in the right direction in order to avoid feeling like I've failed. I know it will all happen in God's time, that every delay is going to make sure that my child & I are ready at the same time, but sometimes it still feels like I already have failed. When I started this process, I had thought I would at least have my dossier sent to Addis by now. Instead, I wait. I see families who started after me that are now waiting for their referrals. I am thrilled for them when they complete each step, but it still stings. I wish so badly that it was me. But I know it will happen, I just need to be patient a little longer. At least, that's what I tell myself something like 40 times a day.

Well, on a lighter note - how about a picture of my beautiful new niece? Since you all can't answer me, I will figure that you'd love to see her. So here you go - Lucca Marie (for those of you who don't know my family, that's my brother - her daddy)

Another DeKoekkoek!

2008-08-23T18:23:00.000-07:00

I have another niece. My brother Dustin & his wife Jenae had a baby girl today, Lucca Marie DeKoekkoek. I've seen a couple pictures, and she's beautiful (oh no, no auntie bias here). I can't wait to meet her - congratulations Dustin & Jenae!

Contest Time!

2008-08-22T11:58:00.000-07:00

I don't generally post things like this, but I love babywearing. I'm planning to do a lot of LB-wearing, once he or she gets here. I know, I know, the way I phrased that sounds weird - but it's actually pretty cool, and good for Mama & baby both. So anyway, if you are into the idea of winning a free carrier, check this out.

Win a Beco Butterfly Baby Carrier and Beco Toy Carrier from Along for the Ride.

I'm Back Again!

2008-08-05T09:13:00.000-07:00

Not much to say lately, had a great vacation in Lake Chelan with the family - all 10 of us. My sister & her husband came out from Michigan for a visit, so we all took a few days off work to spend some time together. Other than that, well... work is work and gas is too expensive to go many places. So I have been knitting a lot, and watching a lot of movies with B. I finally finished a blanket for Evangeline, but forgot to get a picture so can't post that for you all. Now I'm working on Lucca's blanket (Lucca is my 2nd niece - she hasn't quite made her appearance yet, for those of you who don't know the family). Other than that, just trying to keep moving on the adoption. Speaking of, 2 of my online buddies just got travel dates - Congratulations to Beth & Holly (and Ben) who will be in Ethiopia in less than 2 weeks to pick up their children! Well, since I'm at work I better end this - so I'll leave you with a picture of Evangeline from our vacation. See - even she had fun!

Blog Makeover

2008-08-02T10:36:00.000-07:00

I went here to find this background - check out what they have!

I'm Online Again!

2008-07-08T19:24:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I was already getting online - but now I have internet at home again. No more having to get online during breaks at work or at Mom & Dad's place. B & I finally got our internet issues figured out - yay for easy online access! Other than that, nothing new to report - my job is one big migraine, redoing some paperwork for the SW, and trying to enjoy the summer when I can. Still a boring life. Ok, boring but good - really good these days.

I'm Not a Slacker!

2008-06-12T08:34:00.000-07:00

My life is just really boring right now. Let's see....work is frustrating & mind-numbing. I really have days I want to tell them all off & walk out the door. But, no can do - need the money. I've started cooking more from scratch (pre-packaged is so expensive, and not that good for you). Baked some raisin bread last night & got a sourdough starter going. We'll see how that turns out. Other than that, I run errands or clean my house after work (dishes pile up & my floors need mopping quite frequently - messy roommate!). Then we watch a movie or a little bit of TV after dinner, I knit ferociously, and go to bed. That covers most days. See, Erica - nothing exciting to post about.

As far as the adoption goes, I have a lot on my heart about it. No, I'm not giving up (but sometimes being on "hold" temporarily feels like I failed LB somehow). I will give more information later, once I sort it all out. So, no real news there either.

So that's life in a nutshell, nothing real great but it's honest!

Another Evangeline Pic

2008-05-15T08:54:00.000-07:00

There is nothing new to report here, so in an effort to post a bit more often (that way you all at least know I'm alive), I leave you with another picture of my niece - it's WAY better than a picture of me!

Here She Is

2008-05-10T14:14:00.000-07:00

So, even though I didn't get permission from my brother, I figured it's ok to post a picture - since my sister did (and so did my brother, but it's his kid so it's only right!). So anyway, without further ado, here is my niece, Evangeline, meeting my dad (aka Grandpa) for the first time:

We've Grown

2008-05-07T08:17:00.000-07:00

As of May 5, the DeKoekkoek family is a bit bigger. My brother & his wife had their baby - Evangeline Joan. I haven't officially met her yet, but I've seen pictures - and of course, she's beautiful (not that I'm biased, or anything!). I'll post pics once I get permission from my brother.

I Went & Did It Again.

2008-04-30T10:52:00.000-07:00

That's right, folks - I moved again. I know, it seems like I just moved into the Shoreline place, but it just wasn't working anymore - plus by getting a roommate I can save money. which of course means more money towards bringing LB home (once I can start proceeding with that again, of course. Which means once I get benefits from work & get that last reference form sent in). So anyway, it was a crazy weekend & this week is already getting so packed. I hope I manage to maintain at least a bit of my sanity when it's all said & done! If not, well, hope I can fake it ok.

Snow

2008-03-27T09:39:00.001-07:00

It snowed. In MARCH. SNOW! Ok, so not much & it didn't stick, but still - Snow in March. Alright all you midwest people who read this - stop laughing. Keep in mind, I live in Seattle. We don't get snow in March in Seattle. Come to think of it, we don't get snow in JANUARY in Seattle that often. So yes, I'm being a bit ridiculous, but like I said - SNOW in MARCH in SEATTLE. I wish it had stuck...and that it had built up more...and that it would come back. It was sure pretty falling, while it lasted anyway. Ah well, that's Seattle weather for you!

Dr. Visit - Part 2

2008-03-18T11:31:00.000-07:00

I meant to blog about this earlier, but the weekend got crazy. I got the results back from my Dr. appointment & pincushion day. Turns out I'm actually very healthy. Probably more than I have any right to be, if I'm being honest here... In any event, I'm a little anemic & a bit vitamin D deficient, but other than that I'm totally healthy. Not bad for an overweight not-quite-quit-yet smoker, huh? Yeah, working up to the whole quitting the cigs, but it hasn't exactly been the right time yet. I will, though. My goal is to quit before LB comes home - don't wanna be the smoker mom (that's also when I want to lose the weight by - don't wanna be that mom, either). I want to be able to play with my baby at the park, go for walks, things like that - don't want to be too heavy or unable to breathe right so that I have to just watch from a bench. So yeah, except for the weight & the bad habit - I'm healthier than I expected. Especially since I haven't had a checkup in YEARS! Actually, when I got the letter from the Dr. I had to reread it several times - kept thinking they must have someone else's records! So, big happy moment here - another step officially down!

Dr. Visits

2008-03-08T11:24:00.000-08:00

I absolutely LOATHE going to the doctor. I think that is probably why I haven't done it in years. Seriously, it has been a LOOONG time - I can't even remember when I last had a check-up. So anyway, I went & got a FULL physical so I can get the Dr's note signed off on for the adoption packet. I've never met this guy (yes, guy) before, and I had to have him all up in my business down there. And he told me to RELAX?? How on earth is that possible? Not likely, that's for sure. Anyway, so far so good though - looks like I'm a lot healthier than I probably should be, what with the fact that I need to lose a good 50 pounds or so. But, blood pressure is good, pulse & breathing etc. all check out. I'll know for sure when all the bloodwork from today (yup 4 vials - SO not cool) and the results of the other stuff (the reason I really couldn't relax well) all come back in. Oh - back to the bloodwork. Yes, 4 vials. I was NOT expecting quite that much. Did I mention that I am absoutely terrified of needles? I mean, sure I have 12 earrings and 2 tattoos. And sure I want to get more of both of those things. But that's DIFFERENT. This kind of needles (shots, blood draws, etc) terrify me. I hate 'em with a passion. Then the day got even better... they handed me a little plastic cup & pointed me to the restroom. Not good. I hate having to pee on command. Especially since I had to fast all morning for the bloodwork. It was not a pretty sight, but I finally managed to convince my bladder to cooperate. Oh well, I may have hated it all, but it's something else taken care of so I can get that homestudy going. And we all know what that means - it's one step closer to having Lil' Bit here, where he or she belongs. So for that, I'm glad. Yup - I'm actually thankful that I got this done (well, as thankful as I can be what with all the hating of physicals & needle-fear and everything!).

Not Much to Report

2008-03-05T08:29:00.000-08:00

There aren't really any new developments on the adoption front at the moment. I'm trying to get the last little bit of paperwork together that my SW wants so I can start the homestudy, then things will start moving again. I'm feeling fairly frustrated lately, since a few of the missing items are out of my control to an extent - I just keep praying for patience, and that I will be able to get my part done quickly. And of course praying that God will continue to provide (materially - ie financially) because I don't want the $$ end of things to be what winds up holding the process up when it comes to dossier - sending time. Oh well, I'll just keep walking in faith, trusting that any delays are what is needed so the Lil' Bit is ready when I am. I know God has a plan for both of us, and we will be a family in His time.

A Momentary Lapse, Perhaps?

2008-02-27T08:56:00.000-08:00

For those who don't know, I work with a group of 6th grade girls at church most Wednesday nights. They're good girls, but honestly sometimes those children scare me! Anyway, a couple weeks ago they were asking about my apartment - how big it is, where it is, etc. When they found out it is 3 bedrooms, they wanted to know what I was using all the space for (nosy little things, huh?). So I told them 1 room is my bedroom, one is an office, and one will be used as a baby's room - hoping they wouldn't catch that last part (I mumbled it quickly). Well, of course they did. Like I said, 6th grade girls. They started asking if I'm pregnant, do I have a boyfriend, am I getting married, you know the drill (like I said - sometimes they scare me!). Once I told them that no, I'm not pregnant & I am very much single they calmed down. So I told them that I'm adopting a baby from Ethiopia - you wouldn't believe how excited they got! They all asked if they can babysit (even after I told them that it may be quite a while before I actually have the LB home). Of course my little cousin announced very firmly that if anyone will be babysitting for me it will be her! These girls are crazy - they all started in arguing about it. I finally had to remind them again that I don't know exactly when I will be getting the baby, but that I'm sure I will need more that one person to call for babysitting Lil' Bit. So I think that is ok now, but we'll see what happens next time I meet with them (no meeting tonight). Not sure what exactly I was thinking, telling them so early - maybe I just wasn't thinking at all!

The "Why" Post - LONG!

2008-02-15T16:24:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I've had a few people now ask me a few questions, about the blog & about my adoption. So I decided to clarify a bit.

First of all, the easy one. The reason I decided to title my blog "To Build a Family". No, it isn't that I think I don't have a family already - I have a wonderful, close-knit family. Immediate and extended - we all (for the most part) genuinely enjoy eachother's company & it's great to know there are so many people who are in my corner no matter what. The family I am building is the one that most of us dream of having someday - parents & children. I admit, I'm doing it in a rather unconventional manner (to many people), since there isn't exactly a daddy in the picture yet, but it feels right. After all, I'm not really a "conventional" kind of person in a lot of aspects!

Now the tougher one. Well, it really was the easier decision for me, but it's the tougher one to answer. I've always known that I wanted to adopt - that was a no-brainer for me. See, I'm adopted myself (actually, so was my birth mother) & I have wanted to have at least part of my family come together that way as long as I can remember. I haven't always had the best taste in men, so had told myself that "someday" if I hadn't found Mr. Wonderful yet, I would pursue adoption as a single woman. Honestly I didn't really expect "someday" to be yet, but last year I very strongly felt God leading me to start the process. I have to admit, I wasn't sure why he told me to start it then - I was working part time & living in my parents' basement. Not exactly a suitable situation, as far as I was concerned. But God kept telling me "do the research & be ready". I knew that I had to start looking into things so that when He said "Now" I would be able to follow. Once I started listening to him & taking care of my end of things, everything else started to fall into place. He told me my baby would be waiting for me in Ethiopia, so I started to research the country & agencies. I got a good job that lets me support myself & will also allow me to provide for LB. A few months later I found a large apartment for a very good price - plenty of room for me to bring home my baby. The only roadblock at that point was the fact that things just weren't coming together with the agency I had chosen to work with. I wound up looking at my first-choice agency's website (they hadn't had an Ethiopian program when I had talked to them before so I had gone with my 2nd choice) and discovered that they had just started a pilot program in Ethiopia. That's when things REALLY clicked. So, now here I am. I've been accepted into the program & things are starting to move. Now it's just a matter of doing what I need to do & following God's timing to bring the Lil' Bit home.

This brings me to the 3rd question I am asked. I've been asked lately what people can pray for regarding LB, me, and the journey to make us a family. The biggest thing is for LB's health & safety - or for the health & safety of the birthmother if the Lil' Bit hasn't been born yet. The 2nd thing is that I will be able to get everything together on my end. I am walking in faith big time here folks - trusting that God will provide everything I need to take care of everything involved in this adoption (spiritually & materially). And, of course, strength & patience for me. As I said in earlier posts - I don't do waiting well!

So, I'm sorry about the LONG post - if you made it all the way to the end you have my sincere admiration! Hope this answers some of those questions, but if you have any others or would like more clarification, please feel free to ask!

This is SO TRUE!

2008-02-15T08:40:00.000-08:00

I'm not even physically a parent yet (I say physically cause in my heart I feel like I already am the Lil' Bit's mama) and I still identify with pretty much all of this! Saw this today on my blog friend Holly's website & had to "borrow" it!

YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN ADOPTIVE PARENT IF ...
1. The fact that there are 143 million children without a parent to kiss them goodnight has made you lose sleep.
2. You realize DNA has nothing to do with love & family.
3. You can't watch Adoption Stories on TLC without sobbing.
4. The fact that, if 7% of Christians adopted 1 child there would be no orphans in the world, is convicting to you.
5. You spend free time surfing blogs about families who've experienced the blessing of adoption.
6. It drives you crazy when people ask you about adopted child's "real" parents.
7. You've been "pregnant" with your adoptive child longer than it takes an elephant to give birth.(2 years!)
8. You'd no idea how you'd afford to adopt, but stepped out in faith anyway, knowing He'd provide. (& He does!)
9. You've taken an airplane half-way around the world with a child you just met.
10. You believe God's heart's for adoption.
11. You realize that welcoming a child into your heart & family is one of the most important legacies you could ever leave on this earth.
12. You know what the word "Dossier" means & you can actually pronounce it correctly!
13. You've welcomed a social worker into the most private parts of your life.
14. You shudder when people say your child's so lucky that you adopted them, knowing full well you're the blessed one to have him or her in your life.

Hello Out There - Just Checking In

2008-02-06T21:22:00.000-08:00

Hi! Remember me? OK, I know it's been a while, but I haven't had much to post. I'm waiting. I'm waiting to start my home study (SW has been on vacation). I'm waiting to get the last couple loose ends tied up for that. I'm waiting to switch offices at work. And, like I said earlier - I absolutely HATE waiting! So, to that effect, I've been trying to come up with something I can do to kill time. Therefore, I am going to paint my living room. And my kitchen. Who knows - maybe eventually even the hallway, the office, the bathroom, and my bedroom. I won't paint LB's room yet, since I don't know the color scheme.

I am also very slowly stocking up on supplies for the Lil' Bit. Nothing age or gender specific, really, but I have recently become the proud owner of a BabyHawk carrier - I will post a picture as soon as I can get one that isn't a hideous cell-phone shot. I also have a couple gender-neutral outfits that should be bigger than LB will be (ideally). If not, I have 2 brothers having babies this year.

The other thing I am doing is knitting. Right now I am still working on my niece-to-be's blanket, but I will be doing one for Lil' Bit & for my other brother & sister-in-law's baby as well. So I guess I'm staying busy - but I am still anxious to get to the next point. Is patience really a virtue? I'm not entirely sure right about now!

Training

2008-01-19T20:45:00.000-08:00

Wow. This was an interesting, informative, but intense day. (This post brought to you by the letter "i"). I went to my agency's training class for families adopting internationally today. I have a ton of paperwork to read (at least I don't have to fill any of it out!) and a lot more to think about now. Fortunately, for the most part it's good stuff - I think it will help me be a better mother to the Lil' Bit. Once I process it more I will share my thoughts on the day with all of you. Oh - LB got his or her first present! My agency gave each family that attended a teddy bear for their new child, how fun is that?! In case you can't tell by all the exclamation points & the disjointed grammatical structure, I'm a little wired tonight. Lots of caffeine, very little sleep last night, and information overload. A friend of mine asked me about my mood tonight & I just said I'm practicing for being a Mama. I don't think he got it, but to me it was funny!

Reflections

2008-01-18T12:05:00.000-08:00

Well, I've had about a week & a half to come to terms with my most recent birthday. I know, it's not like it was that big of a deal - I'm only 28, after all. The thing is, I hate my birthdays. They always make me realize just how far I am from where I wanted to be at this point in my life. So, it usually takes me a little while to get positive again & see what I do have. Ok, so I don't have my baby yet - but I am actively working to make it happen. No, I don't own a house - but I have an ok apartment that is big enough, in a good neighborhood, and low rent. I'm not wealthy or fabulously successful - but I make enough to support myself & LB and I have a decent job that I enjoy. Yeah I'm single, but I have a wonderfully supportive extended family & a "chosen family" of friends who love me & are waiting for the Lil' Bit so they can love & spoil him or her too. See - sometimes we don't have what we think we want, but what we do have can be pretty great!

Impatient Much?

2008-01-11T08:59:00.000-08:00

OK, I admit it. I'm not very good at waiting patiently. (Family, if you're reading this - STOP LAUGHING! Stop it. Right now - that's enough!). Anyway, as I'm wading through the piles of paperwork to send in for my homestudy, I got somewhat frustrated at the thought of the wait ahead of me. Fortunately, right about then I opened my mail & found the flyer for the international adoption training day coming up at Bethany. YAY - another step will be taken care of. Progress makes me VERY happy. That means I'm that much closer to bringing my baby home.

Happy 2008!

2008-01-02T10:07:00.000-08:00

So, now that we're very firmly into 2008, I though it was time to post. Had a great new years, lots of family yesterday (all 5 of my dad's siblings came over along with various spouses, children, & grandchildren) - lots of food, loud laughter, etc. Big families are so much fun! Now it's back to business, trying to finish getting my homestudy paperwork together & sent in so I can move forward & work on getting LB home. Hope all you out there in blog-land had a safe & fun new year's celebration & that you all have a wonderful, blessing-filled 2008!

It's Christmas Eve

2007-12-28T08:12:00.001-08:00

What, you didn't know Christmas Eve falls on the 28th this year? Well, for our family it does. Tonight most of us are staying over at the folks' place, then tomorrow all 9 of us are having breakfast, opening presents, and having Christmas dinner. See - it's Christmas Eve! So Merry Christmas, everyone out there in blogland! I hope yours was wonderful, and I'll fill you in on mine once it's done.

Growing Again

2007-12-27T19:31:00.000-08:00

Well, the DK clan, that is - not me. Although, what with the holidays and all.... but I digress. The point of this particular post is to share yet another piece of fabulous news. Little Bit will have another cousin to play with! My other brother & sister-in-law are now expecting their own baby. Yay! I hope the soon-to-be Grandpa & Grandma are up to it, 3 little ones to spoil in the forseeable future. Congrats Dustin & Jenae - we're all thrilled for you!

It's Official!

2007-12-19T15:48:00.000-08:00

My formal application has been accepted by BCS! One step closer to bringing LB home!

Maybe Next Year...

2007-12-18T13:22:00.000-08:00

It is a tough holiday season, folks. My family is going to be all over the place for Christmas (Mom & Dad are in Australia, Baby Sister & her husband are in Michigan, and both brothers are with the in-laws). I mean, we're having our own Christmas after the fact, with everyone, but still - it's just weird. Plus, with the holidays here now, I wish even more that I had Lil' Bit home already. I wish I had started this all LAST year, so I'd have my baby here now. But I know that my baby wouldn't have been ready for me yet then. So I try to be patient & remind myself that maybe, just MAYBE, I'll have LB here with me NEXT year.

Paperwork Woes & Small Breakdowns

2007-12-15T01:37:00.000-08:00

I know it will be worth it, once I have the Lil' Bit home, but the mountains of paperwork are so frustrating, I'm seriously getting ready to pull my hair out! However, I don't think bald is a good look for me. I think I'm about halfway through the stack, so maybe this weekend I can get the rest done - I really really REALLY need to get it all filled out & turned in, cause I want that dossier ready to go just as soon as the homestudy is done. I know that Lil' Bit is out there somewhere, and I just want to have him or her with me.

On a related note, I had a mini-breakdown tonight, watching old "Gotcha Day" videos on a couple blogs I read. I can't wait for that to be me! And, can't forget - looks like the future cousin to LB (who will be here first, of course) is most likely a future cousin of the girl variety.

And, of course, a note of clarification in case anybody actually reads this: Yes, I'm referring to the child-yet-to-be as Lil' Bit, or LB. This is because 1 - said child has not been referred to me yet, so I'm sure not gonna tell you all my name finalist ideas. 2 - due to the fact that said child has not been referred, I do not know if I will have a son or daughter. 3 - I am getting really sick of talking about the Lil' Bit as "my future child". Nuff said! Anyway, if anybody has a better nickname, please feel free to share!

Let the Paperchase Begin

2007-12-07T19:26:00.000-08:00

I have been filling out SO much paperwork the last week or so. My formal application is almost done, then there is all the dossier paperwork. Not to mention getting forms to my references...speaking of which, Ms. Becca is SO on the ball! Her reference form for me will get to my agency before my application even does (most likely). Yikes! Ah well, she's looking out for me. Gotta love the support there!

Changes, Changes

2007-11-20T09:25:00.000-08:00

I just changed agencies. My first-choice one just started an Ethiopian program! Talk about perfect, huh? Big time God thing. I don't usually talk about things that way, but this really was. Looks like things are falling into place - first I get an apartment big enough for more than just me (ie a baby), then the agency thing. YAY! It's really gonna happen!

My Family is Growing.

2007-09-24T22:47:00.000-07:00

Well, it will be anyway, come May. I found out about a week & a half ago that my brother & his wife (Jordan & Allyson) are going to have a kid. This means my kid will have a cousin to play with - that is, if all goes well and according to the timeline I hope to follow. That would be nice, I want my little one to have cousins to play with (and siblings, too, of course!). So the DeKoekkoek clan begins to grow. Congratulations, Jordan & Al!

Telling Secrets

2007-09-18T00:06:00.000-07:00

I've told a few people now, well a few more anyway. Pretty much all my close friends know my plan, as well as Mom, one uncle, a few people at work, and one woman from church. It feels good to tell people. The only thing is, I'm afraid to tell too many because I don't want anyone to try to talk me out of this. I know it sounds silly, because I know nobody could talk me out of it no matter what, but I still worry. I still don't have an apartment, so things are on hold. It's such a disappointment - I don't want to wait any longer than absolutely necessary to have my baby here with me. But I have to trust that there is a reason for the waiting, that waiting means that I'll be ready the same time my child is. It's the only thing that keeps me patient, that gets me sanely through the days and nights when I just want to scream with frustration. This is all going to fall together how it needs to, in order to make my family.

Starting Out

2007-08-23T22:59:00.000-07:00

Well, this isn't exactly the way I originally pictured having a family of my own, but sometimes life doesn't really go the way we want, does it? I went & looked at an apartment tonight, it seemed almost perfect. Cozy place, nice quiet cul-de-sac. I hope it works out. Once I'm in a place of my own, I can apply to the agency, then set up the home study & get things moving. Now that I know I am going to do this, every day I don't have a child feels like my arms are aching. I feel so empty, knowing that my son or daughter could very well be out there already but they aren't here. I know it probably seems crazy to so many people, but I need to do this. I am ready to be someone's Mama. Now I just have to do what I have to do so I am approved to adopt. Then I can bring my baby home.